My feelings have exploded and my world’s overloaded
and I just can’t stop thinking of you
I can’t stop spending my hours with you
and I don’t want it to end
You are an escape from everything
A safe place for me to rest my head
I wake up in the middle of the night
Confused and lost from my twisted dreams
but you hold me tight
and you remind me once again
Everything’s going to be alright.
I’ll see you tonight in the back of my head, in the back of my mind. Try to hold you tight but you tell me I should quit while I’m still behind.
— Back of my Mind by Anthony Da Costa
Sunday Night
A Sunday night
It’s cold outside and not much warmer in this room where I pass the time alone
Thoughts mingle softly through my head, covered by air-dried hair and decorated with nothing
Thoughts of you and thoughts of me keep coming and going
I’m surrounded by this pressure of work I haven’t done, pages I haven’t read, paint that hasn’t been used to express how I feel
Will it ever be enough?
Will I ever be enough?
To keep your attention, to win your love, to satisfy these goals I’ve set
I’m too high or too low, or numb to it all
Happiness comes at times then likes to escape at its own convenience
I want it to last
I want us to last
Oh please, I just want to last
Through this winter
Through these cold and empty Sunday nights
I want to be just like Shel Silverstein. I want my poems published with my own illustrations. I want to write children’s books. I want to do it all and I will.
Despite shit explosions,
I love life. Sometimes I get so down that I feel quite the opposite, but when it comes down to it, I’m a crazy happy person and I need to just let that spirit run wild all the time. I have so much going for me and I don’t want to be clouded by a fog of ruminating thoughts anymore. Maybe the solution is to just stay in the painting studio at school for hours upon hours and dance and act like a fool. It seems to work, along with snack time and big hugs. I don’t care what you think of me, I just need to be happy. Too bad if I’m a little different. Too bad if I need other people, and too bad if what I want to do is unconventional. It’s my life and I’ll live it the way I want to.
